In A Prisoner's Mind
by bookbaby03
Summary: After all these years in Azkaban we finally get to see what Sirius Black is really thinking about behing those bars. Why has he been able to stay sane for this long when so many others loose the mind within a year? What is in this prisoner's ming? Oneshot


**In a Prisoner's Mind**

'I didn't do it.' That is the number one thought that keeps running through my mind. It is what keeps me sane in this sinister, bitter place that can instill fear in anyone who comes near. No one has ever stayed sane for very long in this place, but I will. Their death was not my fault, and yet I am still the one that everyone is blaming. Is it my fault that I was in the wrong place in the wrong time, my fault that I tried to avenge my friends' death by killing the very person who brought their life to an end, or my fault that some stupid Seer made a prophecy that made Voldemort go after my friends? I Sirius Black have been punished for the very thing that I would never do, the very thing that the person who was least likely to do it did. I have been imprisoned in Azkaban Wizard's Prison for the death of Lily and James Potter, my best, dearest friends, who tragically died all because someone wanted power. Someone who went to great lengths to appear at their house on October 31st, 1981.

The last ten years that I have spent here, have been the hardest of my life. Ten years is a long time to stay alive with Dementors and Merlin knows what crawling around every corner. It's amazing that I haven't lost it yet, or that I haven't died. I haven't gone insane in this long time, which is very hard to do. All you can do is sit and stare at an empty wall, hoping one day that you will be free. Many have come in after me and have gone insane, died or lost their soul, yet I still hold on, hoping someday to get out of here. I guess it is because I know that I am innocent, because I would never kill my best friends. What happened to Lily and James wasn't my fault and the horrible thing is that I can still remember what happened like it was yesterday.

October 31st, 1981 (Ten years ago)

Being in the Order of the Phoenix, I knew of all the Voldemort activity going on, or what was supposed to happen. Well, that is, at least I thought that I did. That night I was wandering around 12 Grimmauld Place, my former house, when I heard two voices talking in hushed tones behind a closed door. One I recognized as Dumbledore's and I didn't know the others. I crept closer to the door and pressed my ear against it so I could hear what they were talking about, I didn't really care about whom the other voice belonged to. What they were talking about was the part that scared me, the part that made me shiver. I don't know if I can exactly recall what was said behind the door that night but it went something like this.

"How can this be?" Dumbledore's voice sounded awed, horrified and shocked at the same time.

"I don't know but it is defiantly true," said the other voice. It also seemed awed and shocked, but the horrified tone was missing.

"You are sure that Peter would betray his own friends, two of his only friends, to side with Voldemort?" questioned Dumbledore.

At that point my heart had dropped into my stomach. It was something about Wormtail betraying two of his only friends to side with Voldemort. All I could think of at that point was the fact the he was James and Lily's secret keeper. If he had truly sided with Voldemort, he would have betrayed Lily and James' location to him. Damn him. The only reason that I made Lily and James make Pettigrew their secret keeper instead of me was because hardly anyone would suspect him. Everyone would expect me to be their secret keeper because they were my best friends and I was even James' best man. Now he had gone and betrayed his friends and he wasn't going to get away with it, not while I was still around to do something about it. I would track him down and kill him even if it meant death for me. As long as he died, I didn't really care. I rushed out the door and to a group of bushes at the side of the house that hid my motorbike. That was my secret flying motorbike. I wasn't supposed to be apparating because the Ministry was keeping tabs on all of its workers and if they apparated anywhere after 6pm, it was considered suspicious activity and they would be accused of helping Voldemort. These were dark times and the Ministry wasn't taking any chances.

I quickly jumped on, and started up the engine. I was afraid that someone would hear me leaving because of the noise it was making, but there was no one in sight. Swiftly I was up in the air speeding in the direction of James and Lily's little house in Godric's Hollow. All the way there I could only think of what would happen if Voldemort got there before anyone could warn the small family. The worst part was the fact that Lily and James had a son who just celebrated his first birthday just three months prior. If anything were to happen to Lily and James, little Harry would hardly know his parents, and he would grow up knowing me as his dad, until the day I told him about his parents, on which he would probably end up running away. I know that I would.

As I neared Godric's Hollow, I saw smoke spiraling into the air near the opposite edge of the community where my friends' house was. At that moment I feared the worst and almost crashed my motorbike into a tree. I sped up and landed beside what seemed to be a pile of stone and wood. Looking closer I realized that it was all that was left of the house of my dearest friends. I stood there with many emotions running through me in the dark night until I saw a shadow move near the middle of the wreck that was the house. Slowly the giant figure rose up and it looked like it was cradling something in its arms. As it came closer I heard a baby's loud cry and I realized that the giant figure was Hagrid the Hogwarts Game Keeper. I ran up to him and asked him what had happened. He looked at me and I realized he had been crying. Then he told me that Harry was the only one of the Potters left. Voldemort had come and killed James who was protecting Lily, then Lily who was protecting Harry. I then learned that Voldemort had turned his wand on Harry, but instead of killing him, he left him with a scar, and Voldemort himself had vanished, but not before destroying the house. All that was left was rubble, parts of support beams and a bit of the foundation.

I asked Hagrid what he was going to do with Harry, and he said that Dumbledore wanted to see him. I then turned away and went back to my motorbike. I took my wand and a cloak out of the compartment under the seat. I put the cloak on and the wand into my pocket. I gave the bike one last look then looked at Hagrid and told him that he could use it to take Harry to Dumbledore. He thanked me, gave me a pat on the back and took of with Harry cradled in one of his enormous arms. I then turned around and took a final look at the house. As I did, I saw movement in the bushes to my left. The moon slowly came out from behind some clouds and I saw who was there. It may be only two days after the new moon, but that little sliver showed me Wormtail transforming into the rat that he is and running away. I immediately took of after him on foot but soon realized that tracking him in the dark was utterly hopeless. With his animagus form being so small, it was almost impossible to see him.

For three days I chased after him. On the first day, I started my search in the neighboring town. When I looked at the Post office and saw the Daily Prophet I quickly looked away. There on the front page was a picture of Lily and James when they were still alive. Beside that picture was a picture of the house as I had seen it the night before. For two more days I traveled from village to town to city and back, looking for anyone who had seen the traitor of a rat. Finally I got a lead that sent me to this small muggle town 50 kilometers from Gordirc's Hollow where on the afternoon of the third day I finally caught up with him in the middle of the town square. From there everything went horribly wrong. I asked him how he could betray his friends like he did and he said that it was one of the easiest things he had ever done. Being me I said that was impossible because whole we were at school in our 7th year, he still had trouble tying his shoelaces. Just as I pulled out my wand of my pocket, with all of the muggles who were drawn in by the shouting watching what was happening, Pettigrew shouted out a spell, killing 13 muggles. In the middle of this he cut off his own finger and turned into his animagus form and cowardly ran away.

Right at that moment the Ministry showed up and by that point I was completely hysterical. They said I killed Pettigrew and the 13 muggles and that I had gone insane with the death of my friends. They shipped me off to Azkaban for a life sentence, and later reported that the only thing left of Pettigrew was his finger. Shortly after that, the Ministry told the public that I was the cause of the Potter's death and that I was in league with Voldemort.

Thirteen years after October 31st, 1981

Now I still sit here in this place full of horror, for two crimes that I did not commit. Amazingly, I am still sane, and that is only because I know that I didn't kill my best friends. Sure I tried to kill Pettigrew, but by that time he was already a murderer and if he was caught he would be given to the Dementors for the Dementor's Kiss. I would have been doing him a favor by killing him then. I think that it is finally time for me to get out of here, find Pettigrew and kill him. Who knows, maybe I will meet Harry and explain to him everything that happened. I believe that he would be thirteen now so he would be able to understand. I will get out and kill Wormtail, find my best friends' son and tell him everything. He has a right to know why he grew up without parents.

Two years later

Maybe Pettigrew isn't dead, but I have met Harry, my godson, and he will ensure that Pettigrew dies. As for me I am no longer able to enjoy the company of James and Lily's son. I have slipped beyond the veil, beyond the world of the living, just so I could save the boy who was like my own son in these past two years. I know that he is sad to see me go, for I was like a father to him, but he will be able to get along fine without me. He had great friends to make sure of that. The only good part of this is that I have finally been reunited with my dearest friends. James, Lily and I are back together again. Another great thing about this is that James and Lily know that their son is alive and they know what a fine young man he has turned out to be. Harry will fix everything that had to do with his parents' death fifteen years ago.

The End


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